Forgiveness

How do you forgive? What if it's impossible for you to do so? How do you go on with your life?

Forgiveness does not come easily for me. I know it's important to forgive so that you can on with your life, but it's something that I've had difficulty with. I know that I can say to myself that I forgive my mother, but yet I still hold that anger in me. I can't get rid of it. Most of the time I don't think of her at all but every once in a while she creeps in and settles down.

I know that I shouldn't judge, but I find myself doing that with her. I think she's a horrible person with no idea of how much she's hurt me or my siblings (all for different reasons). She hides behind the catholic church and it's so hypocritical of her.

She has no compassion and is incapable of showing love. It's really pathetic and any attempts from my sisters in trying to reach her have failed. She is a mystery. She will not talk about what trauma occurred to her when she was a child. She doesn't realize that that incident(s) made her what she is today. It's a secret that will die with her.

What Does the Future Hold?

I sure do wish I could predict the future. Things would be so much easier, not only for me for for everyone. It's so difficult to know what the right thing to do is because you're afraid of making a mistake.

I have so many decisions to make and there's pros and cons to them. I need to weigh things and figure out what is best for me. The problem is that I'm afraid to make mistakes, because I'm the one who has to fix them or I feel the repercussions for many years. So sometimes I do nothing. I know that's not wise, but it's safer.

How do I get the courage to start to take chances in my life? I have a lot at stake and feel like I'm wasting precious time if I make a mistake.

Friday

Today is another day. A gloomy one. I'm in a much better mood when it's sunny outside. Oh well, just two days of rain then it'll be nice. But I'm kind of sad today. Today is my cat's birthday, the one who died. I always remember what a great cat Checkers was and how brave he was.

I need to get started writing a short story. My mind is full of ideas, but I have to stick to one.

I need to take advantage of my time. I was injured in a fall in February and have been off work since Feb 14. I'm due to return on March 27th, but that's only if the dr releases my work restrictions.

I'm trying to be as productive as I can. I've been researching lots of Web sites having to do with writing and editing to try to get as much information as I can, plus I started this blog, a new thing for me. It's kind of scary because it's almost an invasion of my privacy. Who knows who's out there!

As an editor (both freelance and full time), I need to try to find some freelance work while I'm home. I've already done one job, despite being in a sling (left shoulder) and a cast (right arm). I'm so happy now that the cast has come off. I also need to finish a Spanish proofreading test and submit that, but right now I'm trying to experiment with this blog. This is fun!!! Later.

What I Am Doing?

Hi!

This is the first time I'm doing this and I don't know what I'm getting myself into. I need to discipline myself to write everything and I think this is a good way to do it.

Where do I start? I need to think about that some more. Maybe tomorrow I'll have more ideas.