Felt Validated at Pain Conference

On May 30, I attended the first-ever Women in Pain Conference held at the City of Hope in Duarte, California. This was the first time a conference was held on the subject of pain where both clinicians and women experiencing chronic pain were participating in the same conference.

What kind of chronic pain do I have? It's a long list. I've never written about all my conditions before because i didn't want people to know. That has changed. I have congenital hip dysplasia (dislocation) in my left hip; rotator cuff problems in my right shoulder; recovering from a dislocated left shoulder; ligament damage in my right hand; trochanteric bursitis and ilotibial band syndrome in my right hip; osteoarthritis in my hand, shoulders, back, and hip; and degenerative disk disease along with a bulging disk. Most of these conditions are from an injury I sustained in February 2006. I never dreamed I'd still be dealing with these conditions and with the horrible pain.

I'm actually proud of the way I've handled my pain. I try to lead a somewhat normal life despite the fact that I'm always in pain. The only give-away is that I limp. However, most people do not know when I'm in pain because I cover it up pretty well. I don't want any one's pity.

I've never been one to label myself as disabled, but I suppose I am. I have a handicap placard for use when I park. I only use it when I have to park far or when there's lots of hills or steps that I need to avoid. I don't mind walking when it's flat. For the most part I leave the handicap space for someone else. Besides I don't particularly like the stares I get when I get out of my car when I park in a handicap space. I know they're trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I guess they have it figured out once they see me limp.

Many times I've been made to feel that the pain is in my head because I didn't "look" like I'm in pain. The doctors have yet to prescribe a pain medication for me that won't knock me out or make me feel with I'm "under the influence." I keep telling them that I have to work and don't want to feel impaired when I'm driving. Therefore, I don't take anything hard during the week. But I find myself looking forward to the weekends so I can take Vicodin, which will let me sleep at least and will relieve the pain. It doesn't matter when I wake up. I'm in no rush. All I take during the week is Tylenol, which does not help me.

This is the first time I've been around women who "feel" the pain I do and struggle with a lot of the same issues I do. I learned about organizations where I can go to for support (such as the American Chronic Pain Association and the American Pain Foundation). I learned a lot about the pharmacology and traditional approaches to pain management. The organizer of the conference, Cynthia Toussaint, is a true inspiration. Her organization, For Grace, will help many women.

I feel validated because most the women were made to feel it was all in their heads, just like I was. I also learned that women feel pain differently than men and that clinicians listen to men and treat their pain more effectively than they do women. We're told that it's stress and we're often prescribed antidepressants rather than an effective pain medication. We often leave the doctor's office without a plan.

I've yet to absorb everything I heard at the conference. They gave so many handouts, books, plus all the information in the binder we received. Most of these women suffer (I don't like using this word, but I can't think of a better way to describe it) much more than I do. I admire their strength and they yearning to learn. I came away with new contacts, many resources, and a new resolve to join the effort of advocacy for women in pain.