A New Year, A New Start

I can't believe almost 9 months have passed since I last posted an entry. And here it is already February. A lot has happened, and yet nothing has really changed. But I'm different.

You see, since my younger sister died last January, I never thought I'd get over her loss. But I'm finding out that things are getting easier and that I can be happy once again. It's so different without her, but I make the best of it.

My beloved dog Toby died in June. He was 14. It was so painful to have to put him to sleep. I wanted him to die on his own, but he didn't. We were so close and he was a wonderful companion. I knew I had to let him go because he was suffering so much.

I was lost without Toby. Now I had two voids in my life. I decided to fill that hole. I got another dog. I adopted Desi in July. He's quite the character. He's turned my life upside down and I wouldn't have it any other way. He's brought laughter back into my life.

I've made personal, financial, and business goals for 2008. I'm doing ok so far. I'm on track. How about you?

I'll try to post on a more regular basis. I'll do a personal post, such as this one, and one business-related. Let's see how I do.

Networking

Do you take time to network? I try to, even though I'm an introvert. Here are several ways to network without going too much out of your comfort zone:

• E-mail your contacts or clients and let them know you're available for freelance assignments


• Talk to your friend or neighbors about what you do. Maybe they know of someone who needs your services.


• Join a professional organization related to your career or expertise


• Join a professional network group such as www.LinkedIn.com. You can expand your list of contacts by someone including you in their network.


• Write in your own blog and find people to read and add comments to your blog. Add your blog address to your signature line in all your e-mails.


• Exchange business cards whenever possible, especially at seminars, workshops, or conferences


• Go to www.google.com and type your area of interest to find an organization or others with a similar interest


• Join an online discussion group. Try http://www.yahoogroups.com.


• Tell your contacts or clients to recommend your services to others.

Now all I need to do is follow my own advice! Actually, I've done a few of these. What about you?

Friends

What do your friends mean to you? Do you have different types of friends (like old school chums, coworkers, ex-coworkers, family friends)? Do you ever introduce your friends to one another? Would they get along, if all they have in common is you?

There are friends who are good listeners and those who are great for a good time and aren't interested in hearing about your troubles.

I have different sets of friends. Most are very supportive and are understanding while I'm grieving for my sister, but I can tell that others don't want to talk about how I'm coping with my sister's death.

Friends are there for you when you want to forget about your troubles or want to hear about how their life is going. I often find that my troubles are small compared to the hardships of others--like suffering with terminal cancer.

Of all the friends I have, no one can compare to the friendship I had with my younger sister. when we were growing up, I was always trying to get rid of her, but as we grew up, we became closer than ever. We told each other everything--good and bad news, gossip, current events, opinions, wishes, dreams, fears--and listened to each other when the other one had to vent.

None of my friends even come close to the friendship I had with my sister. Will I ever find a friend like her? I doubt it.

Goals

Do you ever find yourself setting goals and then get frustrated because you realized you hadn't met any of them? Join the club.

I write personal and business goals each year. Some I meet and some I don't. Those that I don't meet, I realize too late that they were much too broad to be achievable. I now know that goals should be broken down into small, achievable steps. For example, one of my business goals is to have my own Web site, but it's not that easy. So I break it down into smaller steps:

1. Gather information.
2. Read the information and decide what's best for me.
3. Choose a URL.
4. Register my domain name.
5. Find a Web designer.
6. Meet with the designer (ask if I can do the updates and give the designer ideas on photos or graphics).
7. Write the copy.
8. Edit and proof the copy.
9. Test the site.

What I don't do is assign due dates to these tasks. It then becomes overwhelming, I would fall behind, and I'll end up giving up. That's not what I want. I'm so busy with working full time, handling my freelance editorial business (working on jobs, finding new clients), writing short stories, plus all the other things that pile up on my desk.

I make weekly To Do lists (which include both personal and business tasks), monthly business To Dos, and it really get discouraging when I don't achieve some of the tasks. Maybe I shouldn't have too much on my lists?

How do you keep to your goals?

Grief

The death of a loved one can hit suddenly. In my case, it was my younger sister. She died of cardiac arrest on January 18 at the age of 49. She leaves a husband and two daughters (14 and 17).

There's no going back. There's no time to say good-bye. How do I go on without her? She was my best friend. Yet when were were growing up, I was always trying to get rid of her. But over the years as we grew up, we became very close and would tell each other everything.

We were so different, didn't always think alike, and approached things differently (she was spontaneous and I'm a planner and analytical), but yet we were close. Perhaps it was because we came from a dysfunctional family. It made us even closer. We came to rely on each other for support and advice and respected each other's opinions, even if we didn't always agree. We vented whenever we wanted to talk though a problem, listened when we needed to, and gave advice when it was asked for.

My life will be so different now. I feel so lost without her. I keep wanting to pick up the phone to talk to her. So, instead, I talk within myself to talk to her, but it's not the same. Where's the feedback? I can still hear her voice and I miss it. Who will I tell my tidbits to? Who will I talk to about my job, my doctor appointments, and all the things that are important to me? I know I can talk to my friends, but it's not the same as talking to my sister. No one can take her place.

The pain of her loss is almost physical. I cry all the time. Every remembrance (good or bad) brings tears to my eyes. I replay some some conversations in my mind and wish they would have turned out differently.

When I feel happy about something, I almost feel guilty. But I know that life does go on. When I feel sorry for myself, I think of her husband without a wife and her two daughters without a mom.

My life will be forever changed. Perhaps I'll make some changes that are good for me. I have to find a way to go on without her. I never dreamed it would turn out this way. I gave the eulogy at her service and I still didn't do her justice. I keep remembering other things I could have said. But it touched people and they got to see what a courageous woman she was. I will always honor her in my life.

Overwhelmed

Do you ever feel that you have too much on your plate and you know what needs to get done but so many things (obstacles) get in the way?

That's where I am now. How do I snap out of it? I'm so busy with freelance work and I have impending deadlines but so many other things take my time. So I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with anything!

What I've tried to do is remove some of the things that are creating obstacles for me. Other stressors. But it takes time to deal with those stressors. You just can't push them out of your mind, but sometimes you have to even if for a short while.

When I think of all the things I've got on my plate now, I feel so overwhelmed. So what I'm trying to do is block things out and concentrate on what needs to be done at that moment. In any "spare" time, then I try to deal with stressors and hopefully make decisions and get them out of my life once and for all.

How do others deal with feeling overwhelmed? I already talk with a counselor to try to sort things out and I write to do lists but that's overwhelming in itself to look at the growing list. Any advice?

Appreciation

I was reading a book yesterday regarding stress and it stated that instead of dwelling on your stressors, you should take the time to appreciate the good in your life. Oftentimes people, including me, do not do this.

Whereas I have my share of stressors, I do have much in my life that I do appreciate. I have my pets (2 dogs and a cat) who give me unconditional love. I could not function without them. They make me so happy, especially when I'm down. They make me laugh so much that soon I forget (or put it aside) what I was worried about. Just cuddling them makes me feel good.

I appreciate that I have a house to live in with my pets. At least I have someplace to live; many people do not. At least I have a job, where many people do not. Even though I'm not happy at the job and am currently on medical leave (a workers' comp injury), I appreciate that I'm employed.

I appreciate my friends immensely. I don't know what I would do without them to listen and support me. I also appreciate my two sisters; they seem to be the only immediate family I have. Even though we're all so different, we do love each other and work very hard on our fragile relationships.

Even though I have several medical conditions and a little more because of the injuries I sustained in February, I know that I will eventually recover from these injuries. Many people have very serious medical conditions or are paralyzed; I do not. I need to take the time to appreciate the health that I do have. I think that if I eliminate many stressors, I will eventually feel better and perhaps recover quicker and be relieved from some of my ailments.

I appreciate that I have my sight and can sit outide with my pets to read and enjoy the nice weather. I love flowers, plants, trees, grass, blue sky, puffy white clouds, and birds. I get to experience that each day. I do take the time to "smell the roses."

I just need to take the time to appreciate more in my life rather than dwelling on all the negative things. I need to remind myself of this and practice it several times a day.

Procrastination

How do you get past procrastination? I keep finding others things to do instead of what I'm supposed to be doing. I've read that procrastination is similar to perfectionism. You want to do the task perfectly so you keep delaying it and in turns nothing gets done.

I want to write a short story and submit it to a contest. How hard can that be? Very difficult. I keep searching for ideas to write on and then don't want to dwell on some of those subjects that may be painful, so I end up doing something else. I can visualize the story unfolding in my head, but when it comes to writing, nothing happens. Is it writers block? I don't think so.

I think a big part of it is that I don't want to fail. Since I'm an editor, I worry a lot about mechanics of the story instead of just writing it down. I know that's true and know what I should do, but I don't.

I work on some ideas, but don't get past the idea stage. I need to expand and develop a story. Any story. It can be funny or dramatic. It's on the tip of my tongue but it just doesn't flow to actual words.

So instead I do something else. How can I break that spell?

Forgiveness

How do you forgive? What if it's impossible for you to do so? How do you go on with your life?

Forgiveness does not come easily for me. I know it's important to forgive so that you can on with your life, but it's something that I've had difficulty with. I know that I can say to myself that I forgive my mother, but yet I still hold that anger in me. I can't get rid of it. Most of the time I don't think of her at all but every once in a while she creeps in and settles down.

I know that I shouldn't judge, but I find myself doing that with her. I think she's a horrible person with no idea of how much she's hurt me or my siblings (all for different reasons). She hides behind the catholic church and it's so hypocritical of her.

She has no compassion and is incapable of showing love. It's really pathetic and any attempts from my sisters in trying to reach her have failed. She is a mystery. She will not talk about what trauma occurred to her when she was a child. She doesn't realize that that incident(s) made her what she is today. It's a secret that will die with her.

What Does the Future Hold?

I sure do wish I could predict the future. Things would be so much easier, not only for me for for everyone. It's so difficult to know what the right thing to do is because you're afraid of making a mistake.

I have so many decisions to make and there's pros and cons to them. I need to weigh things and figure out what is best for me. The problem is that I'm afraid to make mistakes, because I'm the one who has to fix them or I feel the repercussions for many years. So sometimes I do nothing. I know that's not wise, but it's safer.

How do I get the courage to start to take chances in my life? I have a lot at stake and feel like I'm wasting precious time if I make a mistake.

Friday

Today is another day. A gloomy one. I'm in a much better mood when it's sunny outside. Oh well, just two days of rain then it'll be nice. But I'm kind of sad today. Today is my cat's birthday, the one who died. I always remember what a great cat Checkers was and how brave he was.

I need to get started writing a short story. My mind is full of ideas, but I have to stick to one.

I need to take advantage of my time. I was injured in a fall in February and have been off work since Feb 14. I'm due to return on March 27th, but that's only if the dr releases my work restrictions.

I'm trying to be as productive as I can. I've been researching lots of Web sites having to do with writing and editing to try to get as much information as I can, plus I started this blog, a new thing for me. It's kind of scary because it's almost an invasion of my privacy. Who knows who's out there!

As an editor (both freelance and full time), I need to try to find some freelance work while I'm home. I've already done one job, despite being in a sling (left shoulder) and a cast (right arm). I'm so happy now that the cast has come off. I also need to finish a Spanish proofreading test and submit that, but right now I'm trying to experiment with this blog. This is fun!!! Later.

What I Am Doing?

Hi!

This is the first time I'm doing this and I don't know what I'm getting myself into. I need to discipline myself to write everything and I think this is a good way to do it.

Where do I start? I need to think about that some more. Maybe tomorrow I'll have more ideas.